Disoriented
"Money is the root of all evil!!"
These words have been proving right in my case, observable for the past few weeks I would say. First decent job, brought upon a fury within me for the nth time. Every summer, this feeling of possession, the feeling of 'mine' engulfs me. My parents have selflessly raised me, given me what ever I desired, many sacrifices for me, etc,. too many to mention. The mind boggling thing is, with maturity comes a selfish feeling. The weekend I knew I got a job at my mother's office, as an archiver I fought with my dad to individualize my account. I did not mean to hurt him, but what I mean or not is trivial in this case. What is done cannot be undone.
My first pay check, received at around 10:00am this Friday, sent me into a daze, which lasted almost all day, the world around me was spinning. Is it the fact that there was a grand ready to be spent in my account, or the internal struggle of my Id and conscious between, spending the money or saving it. This almost made me nauseous, was it a happy feeling or the contrary was unclear to me. I could not even enjoy the fulfilling feeling of getting paid, my first hard earned pay check. I was ready to enjoy it, by rewarding myself with a big bottle of 'Crown Royal' my favorite brand of whiskey, but set back those plans. The reasons are many, but I would like to think I refrained myself because I was trying to get accustomed to the great habit of saving. Living in a lie, not new to me.
Woke up this Sunday to a news about a shooting in the entertainment district of Toronto. "Shooting at the Eaton center Saturday evening. One deceased, seven injured, two in critical condition." News like this would just pass over my conscious radar on a usual day, but my life is far far away from usual. My first year associations with the bad kind of people sent a chill through my spine, is my family safe in this shit hole of a city. My enemies are of greater intelligence and of greater power. I do not want the unexpected to happen to my loving family because of some mistakes I made in the past. I do not even think my enemies are capable of hurting me or my family, but the incident of me almost getting shanked in a dark alley for my iPhone and the bad reputation this city has, scares me. Better be safe than sorry they say, safe in this case is to go as far as possible from this sorry place. All this gives me a funny idea, is the world going to end on the 26th of December, 2012? It sure looks that way to me.
Just waiting for university to start so I can sleep safely in the arms of the one I love and not worry about anything at all.
These words have been proving right in my case, observable for the past few weeks I would say. First decent job, brought upon a fury within me for the nth time. Every summer, this feeling of possession, the feeling of 'mine' engulfs me. My parents have selflessly raised me, given me what ever I desired, many sacrifices for me, etc,. too many to mention. The mind boggling thing is, with maturity comes a selfish feeling. The weekend I knew I got a job at my mother's office, as an archiver I fought with my dad to individualize my account. I did not mean to hurt him, but what I mean or not is trivial in this case. What is done cannot be undone.
My first pay check, received at around 10:00am this Friday, sent me into a daze, which lasted almost all day, the world around me was spinning. Is it the fact that there was a grand ready to be spent in my account, or the internal struggle of my Id and conscious between, spending the money or saving it. This almost made me nauseous, was it a happy feeling or the contrary was unclear to me. I could not even enjoy the fulfilling feeling of getting paid, my first hard earned pay check. I was ready to enjoy it, by rewarding myself with a big bottle of 'Crown Royal' my favorite brand of whiskey, but set back those plans. The reasons are many, but I would like to think I refrained myself because I was trying to get accustomed to the great habit of saving. Living in a lie, not new to me.
Woke up this Sunday to a news about a shooting in the entertainment district of Toronto. "Shooting at the Eaton center Saturday evening. One deceased, seven injured, two in critical condition." News like this would just pass over my conscious radar on a usual day, but my life is far far away from usual. My first year associations with the bad kind of people sent a chill through my spine, is my family safe in this shit hole of a city. My enemies are of greater intelligence and of greater power. I do not want the unexpected to happen to my loving family because of some mistakes I made in the past. I do not even think my enemies are capable of hurting me or my family, but the incident of me almost getting shanked in a dark alley for my iPhone and the bad reputation this city has, scares me. Better be safe than sorry they say, safe in this case is to go as far as possible from this sorry place. All this gives me a funny idea, is the world going to end on the 26th of December, 2012? It sure looks that way to me.
Just waiting for university to start so I can sleep safely in the arms of the one I love and not worry about anything at all.
No comments:
Post a Comment